Circular fallaciousness, or argumentum ad misericordiam

I was reading a district court decision for fun last night work and encountered an actual use of logical fallacies in the wild (begging the question in this case). Now you can reassure your kids of the eventual utility of education when they cry plaintively, "Whyyyyy do I have to build my own trebuchet for science class? I'll never uuuuuse this in real life!"

But I digress…while looking up a patent related to the court decision I got sidetracked. Did you ever do that back in pre-internet days when you looked up a word in an analog dictionary? 

Flipping pages and glancing at the headers, you noticed something like latifundia and you just had to know. (Take a guess…then give up and look here.)

One time my brother and I used the dictionary to work out the title structure of the British monarchy and peerage. It went something like king/queen, prince/princess, duke/duchess, earl/countess…wait, what? The first earl's wife was in possession of both ears, apparently. Is a jarl’s wife jarless by definition? No canned goods in that latifundium.

(Why is preserving things in jars called canning, anyway? Did the first case of botulism decide jarring meant having a harsh or unpleasant effect on one's nerves?)

But I divagate again. Patents. I stumbled across this one. What do you think it is?

Clue: the device is categorized under human necessities.

Leave your thoughts in the comments. Don’t worry about keeping it clean; appeals to prurience are enthusiastically welcomed.

Here are a few more.
This one is under guiding mechanisms.

And another human necessity.

What would you invent and patent if you weren’t squandering time with logical fallacies on social media? What about a Cult patent? We can come up with something at least as fun as these devices.

(Disclaimer: this discussion is not a safe zone. Despite the jurisprudentially-themed opening, all ideas are up for grabs.)

What fallacy would you use to describe never-used patented devices and commenting on the internet?