The Voight-Kampff Tests

Given that people's memories are short, and Tom Cruise even shorter, it wouldn't hurt if I  rebooted some of the old previously read articles. A new venue for a classic channel demands nothing less.

Roy Batty has been on my mind lately, and if you have not noticed, the default avatar for the Cult is a classic Roy Batty image.
[At this point some of you are wondering, "Just who the heck is Roy Batty, and why do I care?"]

Watching Blade Runner is required homework for the Cult, especially because they do not make sci-fi quite like that anymore.  Besides, it is a great movie—you'll just have to take my word for it. After that, you'll need to look up Rutger Hauer on your own.

The movie plot goes something like this: It's the future, and a tech company has created replicants—androids that are almost human—and they have replaced or augmented humans in hazardous work environments (like mining), entertainment, and yes, pleasure. Things, however, go wrong and the replicants revolt. Designed as a failsafe, replicants have a fixed lifespan of a few years, but some of them have managed to survive a little longer, and want more life. Because they have acted dangerously, replicants get targeted for extinction or retirement by special cops, who are known as blade runners.

SPOILER ALERT: DO NOT READ THE PRECEDING PARAGRAPH.

At their disposal is the Voight-Kampff test.  After all, you do not want to retire humans by accident.
The Voight-Kampff test attempts to distinguish androids from human beings by autonomic responses to questions that should elicit an empathic response. Because it seeks to gather and measure biological information for security purposes, the empathy testing procedure is a kind of biometric identification system
Here's the classic one:


Of course, you need a high falutin gadget that simultaneously distracts and intimidates the subject, and given that this is a cult, only the cult leaders have unfettered access to the expensive doohickey. You didn't think we'd trust you with that, did you?

Fortunately, we have the next best thing: a sample set of questions that should do appear on such a test. Additionally, since we are trying to reboot this channel as a hybrid version of The Voice meets American Idol, you'll get to vote for your favorite*.

Or—and this is where we put those shows to shame—you may submit your own. For bonus points, you may try to answer the questions yourself. The winner will be paid a visit by a couple of replicants bearing gifts, who we believe are mature enough not to take their abysmally low score on the test too personally.

Ready?  Then proceed, and type your answers furiously in the comments.

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(Artwork courtesy of Chalice)
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* No, you do not get to say "Kinda pitchy, dude!"

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